WWYD?
So after a long period of prayer Dave decided to leave his current employment and just as he started to apply and interview, someone called his current employer for a reference (even though he asked them NOT to contact them). His boss then found out and looked a replacement for Dave. They found someone who will start a week from Wednesday, so Dave was told that his last day is a week from today.
I am having a hard time with everything, and Dave is too. We both have good days and bad days and luckily we have been able to pretty much balance one another out. And although we know that this is ultimately a good thing, it's still pretty hard to deal with.
But I am running through so many emotions and keep coming back to being so angry at his boss for treating Dave so poorly after all that he has done for this company. Sometimes I see the need and feel the desire to forgive him, but I'm not there yet.
I did take my aggression out on this floor the other day. I swept and swept, then swiffered and swiffered and swiffered. Then I took about five years off my knees as I scrubbed it clean on my hands and knees. HANDS AND KNEES PEOPLE!! I think I used about ten buckets of water mixed with approximately an entire bottle of lysol.
After Dave gets a new job, I will get myself these Crocs for the next time I have to clean that floor, as it was quite cathartic. For now, no one is allowed in the kitchen.
And I have been reading this really good book a friend let me borrow.
It's actually a book on marriage called, "Scriptural Keys to a Celestial Marriage." But the whole first chapter is on forgiveness and I feel like it's been teaching me a lot. Now I just need to apply what I'm learning to my life. Why is this part so hard?
Anyway, there's a bit on what's been going on with us lately. Any advice or words of wisdom would be most welcome.
What would you do?
I am having a hard time with everything, and Dave is too. We both have good days and bad days and luckily we have been able to pretty much balance one another out. And although we know that this is ultimately a good thing, it's still pretty hard to deal with.
But I am running through so many emotions and keep coming back to being so angry at his boss for treating Dave so poorly after all that he has done for this company. Sometimes I see the need and feel the desire to forgive him, but I'm not there yet.
I did take my aggression out on this floor the other day. I swept and swept, then swiffered and swiffered and swiffered. Then I took about five years off my knees as I scrubbed it clean on my hands and knees. HANDS AND KNEES PEOPLE!! I think I used about ten buckets of water mixed with approximately an entire bottle of lysol.
After Dave gets a new job, I will get myself these Crocs for the next time I have to clean that floor, as it was quite cathartic. For now, no one is allowed in the kitchen.
And I have been reading this really good book a friend let me borrow.
It's actually a book on marriage called, "Scriptural Keys to a Celestial Marriage." But the whole first chapter is on forgiveness and I feel like it's been teaching me a lot. Now I just need to apply what I'm learning to my life. Why is this part so hard?
Anyway, there's a bit on what's been going on with us lately. Any advice or words of wisdom would be most welcome.
What would you do?
Labels: feeling sorry for oneself
posted by Holly at
8:35 AM
14 Comments:
I'm so sorry...I know how you feel. When Gene was out of school his first job was with a really jerky guy. The guy's patients started liking Gene better so he said Gene had to either buy his business or get out. We offered to buy it which totally surprised his boss because he didn't think we could do it. Then he put all kinds of terms on the buy out which basically said that he would remain on a salary (high). We countered with the originallly discussed deal with the boss totally out and our buy out. He fired Gene that day and made him leave immedietly. That was so none of the patients could hear why or where he was going and follow him. Not only was all of that pretty jerky, I was three weeks away from having Bridget!!! I was soooo mad. It is hard when you are the wife because these things are happening to you (loss of income, uncertainty) as much as the husband, but you cannot deal directly with the person or issue. You are kind of cut out of part of the process, but it is happening to you just as much. You don't get to have your say, talk to the offender, and may not want to talk to hubby about it much because he is so upset too. Getting your anger out on the floor was actually a pretty healthy choice. What you need to do is be able to deal with your feelings about it, Blog, write about it (even a horrible hatred letter to the boss that then you burn while eating chocolate-maybe even doing a little victory dance)talk to girlfriends, etc. to be able to vent your feelings in a healthy way. Here are some other choices
1. Take the unemployment money Dave should (rightfully) get and go on a vacation.
2. Have Dave start a company that directly competes with the jerk and drive him out of business.
3. Start a housecleaning company;)
Seriously though, forgiveness is a process, like a grieving process, denial, anger, and finally healing are all part of it. Let yourself go through the process and understand where you are. It will help to know what you are feeling is normal and you will get to the end in time. Keep praying and you will be helped through it. At the end, the reason we are counseled to forgive doesn't really have much to do with the other person, but with ourselves. It only hurts you to hold onto anger and won't affect Dave's boss at all. At least you have Dave along with you on this bumpy ride. Celebrate all the good things you have while allowing yourself time to go through the process. When you get to the end you will have grown more than you would have believed. Heavenly Father will take care of you, have faith in that! Dave will find something else and probably something much much better. Remeber you are loved and everything will be okay....
Oh, and in case you decide to go with number one above and go on a vacation, you are always welcome here. My kitchen floor is really really dirty;)
Wow Carol,that was wonderful!! Actually, I needed that too. Holly, it's scary how similar our situations are right now. I too am angry and feel Chip was treated unfairly. It has been 8 long weeks and still, no job. I just want you to know that I am right there with you. We will all be okay. I'm sorry for this hard time you are going through. It's so hard not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow. You are such a wonderful person, try not to worry too much. All will be okay, just look for the blessings. Good luck guys!
Thanks to both of you, Carol & Tracy. It's always so good to hear other's experiences and advice!
Carol, your floor is a piece of cake compared to this one. I should come and clean it just for all the work you do on us as well as all the times you meet us at Disneyland which always enhances our experience! It's the least I could do! Also, the good news with Dave being out of work is that he'll finally have time to finish Gene's website!
And Tracy, we should keep each other posted. I wish the best for you and Chip and your cute little family!
That guy a butthole.
LOL, Katrina. Seriously, it was a loud guffaw and it startled Dave.
Holly, I wish you and Dave the best. I can't add much more to what has already been said. I hope one day you are looking back on the situation, grateful for it all because it brought your family to a better place. And when you are in that place, then you should drink Cherri's lemonade (so good!).
Losing your job sucks, but chalk it up to a lesson learned and go forward.
Too many people have to learn the hard way that there is no such thing as loyalty in today's work world. As bad as it may sound, it can only ever be about *you* when it comes to your career. Not in a selfish, calculating, cynical way, but in an "always making yourself your first priority" sort of way.
Most people believe that by being dependable and working hard for a company, you would receive some reciprocal amount of respect or loyalty, but it just isn't true anymore. Certainly, many companies do treat their employees well, but you can also be assured that as soon as you are no longer important to the bottom line, you will be gone in a New York minute. Even non-profit charities aren't in the business of giving away money to their employees.
The truth is, people get unceremoniously dismissed from their jobs every day for reasons ever more capricious than this, especially when such decisions are subject to the whims of an owner or manager who doesn't know how to build teams and manage people.
You have to be somewhat hardened to that reality, like the athlete who, after he gets traded, laments that they wanted to stay, but after all, "it's just a business."
Then, at your next job, don't think that you can earn loyalty by being dependable. Instead, blow people away with your abilities so you become indispensable in their eyes. That is really the only way to have true job security (if there is such a thing). James' time at Pulte is a good example of this. Even with the single family market in the toilet and widespread layoff massacres at builders across the country (especially in high-priced markets like DC), he was so good at his job that after multiple rounds of layoffs he was literally standing alone like the cheese and the end of the Farmer in the Dell. They fired literally everyone else around him and had him doing the job of 3 or 4 people when he finally left on his own. It wasn't fair that everyone else lost their jobs just because of macro-level market realities and the local management's inability to correctly manage their growth, but the point is that James was safe no matter what.
So, my advice is:
1. Make sure you apply immediately for unemployment, which your former employer has to verify with the state to get it flowing. I suspect there is a chance Dave's former company will think they don't have to do this.
2. Pound the pavement hard and take the first decent job that comes your way, because you need cash flow. Once you are there, become a rock star. Create the situation where if your manager gets wind that you might be looking elsewhere, he/she begs you to stay instead of looks to replace you.
3. Go into what I call "crisis mode," which means you eliminate all discretionary spending and stick to a strict budget, until you get the cash flowing again. Don't deplete your savings/rainy day fund a penny more than you have to.
4. If you first take a job that isn't quite exactly what you want to do, continue to look for one that better suits you and don't feel bad about leaving a company shortly after you join them. Unless they are going to front load you with a lot of expensive training (and those that do will usually have you sign a payback agreement if you leave before a certain time--they're not stupid), don't feel bad about leaving a job soon after you join. You don't owe anybody anything (except yourself) and it's not like they won't get their money's worth while you're there.
5. Enjoy whatever time off you might have, because it doesn't happen too often.
Most of all, don't get too down on yourselves. This kind of thing happens all the time, and Carol's suggestions about forgiveness are spot on. Coming to terms with it is important, but ultimately you have to move beyond it, grab the world by the tail and determine your own course.
Good luck!
Holly,
Carol and Joe's advice is absolutely great. I have one other thing to add. Your post mentioned that you and Dave had come to this decision after much prayer. I think there is great solace in this. It sucks how it all went down and sucks that you feel bad about it. It's a total bummer and I truly am sorry. Going back to the prayer aspect, my advice would be to rely on the faith that you had when you made this decision in the first place. Remind yourself of the Spirit and peace that you felt when you knew that you were making the right decision. Allow opportunities to feel the Spirt and to let it bring peace to your hearts to know that things will work out for you. Best of luck. Things will work out for you. I know it.
Jack McKinley
P.S. What have you been up for the last 10 years since we last saw each other? Just kidding...
Hey one more thing...I did not mean for my post to come across as "preachy". Bottom line is that you both deserve peace and comfort at a tough time like this.
oh man that is HORRIBlE! I am so sorry Holly! I don't think I have much more to add more than what Carol...et al. have said. It does suck. There are some companies that really don't practice good business. We have been there as well and it is stressful and hard. That IS unfair....and very lame. Good companies are few and far between. Maybe Dave should drive up to the PMI building and see if myebiz is hiring artists directly yet. I know they talked about it a while back....just a thought.
Love you guys! You all will be in my prayers! Oh and I have this floor....haha!
As Dad always says, "EGBOK."
We love you guys...it definitely will. :)
Love,
Mom and Dad
Okay so I'm glad that I talked to you guys before I read this blog post. So glad that Dave got the job he wanted! It's crazy not knowing what's next, especially when you plan on things. We love you guys! So fun last night eating brownies! I want another cream cheese brownie and have been thinking about them way more than I should!
Thanks everybody for all your advice and counsel. We really, really appreciate it!
And Jack—WOW! Thanks for contributing, it was so nice to hear from you! And I must say, unless you have changed a lot in the last ten years (which is entirely possible) I would never consider you to be preachy. And I seriously mean that in the best possible way.
I hate these kinds of times, they are so...refining. But I liked the old me!
Last year we were in a similar boat (losing our primary income) and through a dark couple months, we emerged in a much better, much happier situation.
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